Reassessment...

Beautiful night! Tonight, Jamie and I had a small date night... dinner with her parents and then Jamie and I watched the movie "Marly and Me". The movie was really good, really uplifting... and pretty emotional. Yes. Even for dudes. C'mon, it's a tear-jerker about "man's best friend"...

Now, this may sound really strange, but tonight, while watching crooked-nosed Owen Wilson's character, something he said clicked with me...

The movie really prompted something in me that I haven't felt in awhile. A connection missing... a wire loose that was all of a sudden reconnected and it all made sense again.

There was a line in the movie... he, being a columnist for a paper, always wanted to be a reporter, not a columnist. Either way, he's writing, but still, its not quite his passion... then he gets a chance to report, relocates and does what he's always wanted to do... then misses the freedom of writing a column. Something his wife says to him is something Jamie has said to me before... she says to him, "John, its just... exhausting sometimes. It's exhausting watching you want something you don't have."

A-ha! That was the moment. Something about that line...

Jamie's said it before, but it clicked because I could visually see a character that I identify with. I just shared 1 hr and 40 minutes of character building with a character who, I feel, I'm not too far from story-wise.

I'm doing what I've always wanted to do, yet, everyday, long for something more... I often feel that the reason I've even come up here in the first place is because of some completely different thing God has for Jamie and I. Part of me feels it has something to do with the church... with ministry. Lots of opportunity continues to present itself to me through the church and through ministry. But then again, who knows. I'm just along for the ride.

It just ceases to amaze me that I can be doing what I've always wanted to do, and still be unhappy to an extent. I've always been told by friends that are ministers that you 'know' you're called or you 'know' you're passionate about something when you're not happy doing anything but that thing. And that's where I am right now. Playing guitar all day, yet something is missing and I'm daydreaming about something completely different.

All that to say, I'm at that reassessment stage... I'm sitting down and reassessing where I want Jamie and I to be in 3 years, 5 years, 10 years... 25 years. I don't want it to be 'exhausting', and I don't want to live my life always wanting something else.